Encouraged In Heart Newsletter
Third Edition                                                                                                              July 2008
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Hello Friend!

Welcome to the Summer Edition of the Encouraged in Heart Newsletter where this quarter’s theme is about the mouth, more specifically…my mouth. It appears that the circle between my ears has wreaked havoc long enough! My mouth is a devout overachiever (and I’m not talking about just words…food too!) and the time has come to simmer down!

My mouth and I have gotten ourselves into some fine messes. Whether through words spoken or sometimes more importantly, the words not spoken, trouble consistently abounds! It is only through God’s love and guidance where I am starting to get things into proper alignment. And similar to a car, alignments are required for the lifespan of my life!

How’s that for encouragement?

I pray that you are encouraged through these two articles and that together, we can honor God through an honest self examination and favorable use of the mouth God crafted and designed. May we purpose to use our mouths and lives to praise God!

Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Psalm 150:6 (New International Version)

With love and prayers of encouragement over your life,

Steph

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                                           Mrs. Mouth
                    By Steph Fink

Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord, keep watch over the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3 (New International Version)

                            
      
I shopped at our local Five and Below store and was drawn to the classic Milton Bradley game, “Mr. Mouth”.  The game contains one plastic, Kelly-green frog that animates with the help of just one “C” size alkaline battery.  I bought my $5 bargain and eagerly anticipated my youngest sons’ delight since he was infatuated with frogs.

              
              
Upon arriving home, the desired enchantment ensued.  We opened the cardboard box and set up the game.  Sadly, my enchantment was short-lived because when Mr. Mouth’s fluorescent pink switch was transferred from rest to the “on” position, a hot dagger pierced my heart.  The plastic amphibian became the most unusual of mirrors that this Jersey girl had ever come face to face with.  And it wasn’t pretty.  It was worse than my most awful case of bird’s nest bed head! 

                        

There Mr. Mouth was, like a carousel, round and round it went.  I fixated on his mouth and its endless motion.  And right there, on the opposite side of the mirror, sat Steph Fink, chronically found with a mouth also in perpetual motion.  Whether it is food that enters in or words that come out, this “Mrs. Mouth” lived life sans a “C” size battery.  No ma’am, this Jersey girl is self-charged and can outlive the strongest of Duracell batteries.  Instead of running on my own battery, I have come to finally realize my need to switch my power source and plug into the True Energizing Source, God.

I remember some years back when I was in a circle of girlfriends that loved the Lord with all their heart and they also suffered from the sin of gossip.  My sin wasn’t gossip.  My sin was laziness and complacency.  I didn’t know how to say “stop”, and I didn’t ask God for help.  So, I said and did nothing.  I reasoned my silence to be a bold statement of faith because I didn’t join in.  I can get real nutty when my over active mind and mouth are on the path of rationalization! Wow, was I way off track.  Wrong-o, Steph-o.  My law enforcement background later deemed that I was in fact present and therefore an accessory to the “crime”. 

My cowardice and silence created no change as the gossip continued and all were fair game; which included me when not present.  And as always, in one way or the other, the gossip got back to me. It hurt. And I was fuming mad.  So what did I do?  Gossip? Nope.  I started building a wall of animosity and distance.  I spoke meanly of my friends to myself instead of just going to them and working through it, together.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.  Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.  Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?  James 3:9-11 (New International Version)

I lived a massive contradiction.   I told God I loved Him and yet did not accept my friends for who they were, at the time.  They were just like me - human and with faults. Sure, they had different faults but we all have them.  Instead, I discreetly criticized them for their weakness, more focused on their sins to naively deny reflection on my own. 

How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.  Luke 6:42 (New International Version)

Hypocrite…ouch.  That word is one horse-sized pill to swallow.  What my girlfriends needed was a true friend.  One that would help restore, guide and encourage.  My one friend had previously openly confessed she struggled with gossip.  The woman openly asked for help!  And I failed her.  She needed someone to stand up for her and help her when she was weak. I decided not to because I didn’t know how.  And I was scared. So, my silence spoke a passive acceptance and led her to stumble further.  Sadly, her sin didn’t bug me enough to do something until her gossip topic of choice became me.  Hypocrisy again.

The time did eventually come for the face to face, heart to heart talk. I however, was all wrapped up tightly surrounded in the web of pent up anger and topped with a bow of self-justification.  As we talked, we were both tearful.  She overtly confessed her struggle with gossip and she asked for forgiveness.  To make matters much worse, Mrs. Mouth beamed out, “I don’t forgive you (ugh), I’m angry and can’t trust you.  I need time.” 

When you hurt your friend, you hurt Christ.  1 Corinthians 8:12 (The Message)

My heart dropped that I not only hurt my friend, but my God.  More time passed and God directed me to go back and ask her for forgiveness, for not forgiving her.  She did forgive me but the tension was thick. Sadly, the relationship has never been restored.  And though I remain fond of her and I believe the feeling is mutual, this was a painful and powerful lesson to this Mrs. Mouth.  I need help with this mouth of mine.

Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot easier. Luke 6:37 (The Message)

I rested my mouth when I needed to speak and again spoke the wrong words when I should have remained silent until I calmed down.  I ran my mouth endlessly when what I needed to do is close and turn my mouth off.  Sit, rest,  and listen for God to direct and answer these questions:
        

• Are the words spoken in love or anger? 
• Do they edify God? Or edify myself (and my flesh)?
• Will they promote growth (in the person and/or in the relationship?) 
• Will God be honored? 
• Will I beat myself up after the conversation?

The true litmus test can only be quantified by the word of God which is where real wisdom is found.

Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.  James 3:17-18 (The Message)

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                   Releasing My Inner Tarzan
                     By Steph Fink

I forcefully lept through the humidity-filled air and grasped the thick scratchy rope with my sweaty hands.  Remember, the people who didn’t lift their feet up quickly didn’t make it across – lift up your feet! Lift up…lift up…ugh...not quick enough.  I felt the drag instantaneously as my combat boots were engulfed in the cooling water.  Pull your feet up already…


                       

(Photo from my yearbook of a fellow "trainee" with a similar lift problem...don't know who this was as I wasn't behind the camera...I was probably busy trying to figure out how not to get wet!)

My feet squeezed together at a higher point on the rope and there, like Tarzan, I swung.  Wow, the water sure slowed me down. Will I make it to the other side now? I don’t want to look like a wimpy girl here.  I swung over the water towards the opposing cement slab, only to return back to my initial launch direction.

I’ve got to jump onto the cement on this swing or I’ll never make it.   My camouflaged body swayed near the crest of the cemented freedom and I did the unthinkable…I hung onto the rope! I was afraid I’d miss the landing platform, so out of fear, I hung onto the rope. 

What was that? Great, now I’m not going to make it across. I’m going to have to drop and swim across…so not how I saw this one played out.  After some additional sways and a short-lived dangle, I let go of the rope, dropped and swam to the other side.

Why do I always choose the path of most resistance? This is humiliating. My muscles could handle the short swim but I felt the pain in my torn pride.

For quite some time, God’s been dealing with me about this mouth of mine.  He exposed that my verbal life has resembled the obstacle course I graduated from (independent of my dazzling rope performance!) fifteen years ago.

I took my word use to swinging-ly opposite extremes.  Because we as humans tend toward extremes, swinging too far in one direction and then veering way too far in the other, God wrote balance points in the scriptures. (1)

“Be well balanced…” 1 Peter 5:8 (Amplified)

When I felt angry, I’d swing from one extreme to the other.  There was no balance anywhere to be found! Swing…I’d either become an explosive volcano erupting with hot lava words, burning all in the surrounding area.  Or, swing…I’d stuff my words deeper than the hollow insides of a Thanksgiving Day turkey.  And, I was the stuffed turkey!

I remember a time during my wedding preparations, I blew up at my girlfriend who didn't like her position in my bridal party.  My refusal to release the correct words of, "I feel hurt that you're not just happy to be in my bridal party" came out to the effect, "I'm fed up with you and don't even worry about where you're in the bridal party because you're no longer in it!" Swing, missed, drop and splash!

Near thirteen years later, my girlfriend and I have reunited.  The only thing I could type when she contacted me via Facebook is, "I'm so sorry I hurt you during my wedding planning." She apologized too and we're building a relationship back. We're both changed and I'm grateful I serve a God of second, and third chances!

Jesus sees how much we love Him by how much we obey Him.  He has commanded us to love one another; if we are not loving others, then we are not showing Him that we love Him. (2) 

Sure, I demonstrate His love by doing tasks or giving a hug, but also by the words that flow from my mouth. It’s easy for me to spout off a quick, “I like that shirt…your hair looks awesome…I really appreciate your help.” Those type of affirming words roll freely out of me with ease because to me, they are facts.  In those moments, I’ve released the rope and landed steady on the cement. No added swimming required.

I find the biggest obstacle is when honest, emotionally-based words need to flow.   I have refused to let the words fly out, for fear I’d miss the mark.  Instead, I would hang onto them, afraid I couldn’t say them properly. So I’d say nothing. I missed the moment and the opportune time.  Then, I’d labor harder as I swam my words out at a later time, which just caused more unnecessary work (and embarrassment). 
  
Instead, I swung to one side, stuffing my emotions and words, clinging tight swing…back to the other side, vomiting the words out, still clinging onto the rope, under the illusion of being in control. 

Defense mechanisms…are ways in which we deceive ourselves to avoid facing our true desires, emotions and motives…it is important for us to progressively give up our defense mechanisms in order to become emotionally and spiritually healthy. (3) 

Not facing my true emotions, caused me improper timing and much heartache.  When I spoke prematurely, the words came out impulsively and required the additional “swim” work of clarification.  When I spoke belatedly, the words came out excessively and required more swim-work time to clear the air.  My refusal to let go of the words at the proper time, created more work and embarrassment. 

How to get better at the verbal Olympics? Practice. Timing is everything!

Congenial conversation—what a pleasure! The right word at the right time—beautiful!  Proverbs 15:23 (The Message)

“Let go and let God” means, let go of my plan, my time and let Him guide me.  I need to let go of the rope, the control at the proper time.  At the proper time. Not too early and not too late.  If I let go of the rope too early, I got wet and had to swim.  If I let go too late, again, I got wet and had to swim. This is confirmation that I desperately need God to guide me, when to let go and speak and move.

But like on the rope that day, I drug my feet in route to freedom.  It slowed me down and halted my momentum.  I was scared of looking foolish so I aborted the plan.  In the end, I created more work, frustration and embarrassment! Regularly, as I practice to be a verbal Olympiad for Him, He helps me to let go of grips, swing to freedom and get on with it.  Yes, there will be more obstacles on the path, but they are there to strengthen me for the battle. 

              

(Another fellow "camper" being challenged on the obstacle course.  Why was the log so easy and my mouth obstacle so difficult?)

My battle is now no longer for national security, but for spiritual maturity. 

“But if you can control your tongue, you are mature and able to control your whole body. Whoever can control her tongue/mouth can gain control in other areas of my (her) life.” James 3:2b (Contemporary English Version – My emphasis added)

Many Christians say, “let go and let God.”  I believe this biblically accurate statement that has been transformed into a confusing platitude. God exposed what “let go and let God” looks like to me from an old rope that I swung on in my youth.

“Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

              

(More ropes, more water...but this one I did a-ok on!)

The more challenges faced and conquered, the more confidence is built.  Unlike at camp, it's not me against the world.  This time and forever on, I have God on my side, and with God all things are possible!

Swing on to free and light living, working, walking and talking with God!

    

(Just to be fair,since I had no photos of me on the obstacle course in the yearbook, here's me with my flight.  I haven't the foggiest idea who brought "Sexy Back" but I'm certain it was not me in 1993!)

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(1)    Joanna Weaver, Having a Mary Spirit Allowing God to Change Us from the Inside Out (Colorado:  Water Brook Press, 2006), p.78.
(2)    Joyce Meyer, Reduce Me To Love – Unlocking the Secret to Lasting Joy (Oklahoma: Harrison House Inc., 2000), 14-15.
(3)    Frank Minirth, Don Hawkins, Paul Meier, and Chris Thurman, Before Burnout Balanced Living For Busy People (Illinois: Moody Press, 1990), 57.